No Good Deed
by Eydie Munroe
Summary: Tuvok enters pon farr, and Kathryn does what she needs to in order to save her friend's life. But things don't go according to plan.
1. Chapter 1

**No Good Deed…**

By Eydie Munroe

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I know – Paramount and CBS own them. They whispered to me that they wanted to get out of the vault for a while, so here we are.

Note: This takes place sometime during the first half of the seventh season, and completely negates the events depicted in the episode "Body and Soul" – because honestly, I don't buy for a second that a hologram would do the trick.

* * *

Captain Janeway was seated behind the desk in her quarters, desperately trying to keep her attention focused on the report that the Doctor was engrossed in giving. It was supposed to be her day off, and so normally she would have had him wait until the next morning, but he was particularly excited about the cure he had found for a rare but particularly stubborn disorder that had been eluding scientists for more than two hundred years. Lieutenant Parsons, Tuvok's second-in-command, had collapsed from it during her shift on the bridge three days ago. The captain had a personal interest, as her mother's cousin was also a sufferer. And since they now had the ability to send this information back to the Alpha Quadrant, they were both sure that this news was going to create quite a stir in the medical community.

The Doctor was in mid-stream when the chime for her door interrupted him. "Come in," she quickly answered, grateful for the interruption in the hologram's lecture. The doors parted to admit Commander Tuvok, who looked like he was under some sort of duress. A sheen of perspiration on his forehead reflected the light from the corridor, and as soon as he was inside he leaned one hand against the wall for stability. "Tuvok?" She was on her feet in a second, fear creeping into her voice. "What is it?"

The EMH had followed her, his ever-present tricorder in hand as he began scanning. With a quick flick of his hand, Tuvok sent the device flying across the room, hard enough for it to shatter against the outer bulkhead. She reached out to take him by the shoulders, but then thought better of it when realization struck her. Her hands dropped to her sides as she said, "Doctor, we'll continue this tomorrow."

"But Captain..."

"Get out!" the Vulcan barked, his eyes tightly shut as he fought his inner struggle.

"Doctor, please…" she added, her glare letting the hologram know this was not up for discussion.

He looked from one to the other, and his lips pressed together in a thin line as he nodded and left. She waited until the doors were closed again, and this time did not hesitate to take her friend by the shoulders. "Is it time already?"

He gave her a barely perceptible nod, his hands locking down on top of her shoulders as he transferred his weight to her. She reeled a little, then stood at full strength and steadied both of them before she led him over to the nearest armchair. He refused to sit down, and instead chose to waver unsteadily on his feet. "Stay here." After making sure he was going to stay put she headed into her bedroom, immediately opening the closet as she tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to Chakotay."

"_Chakotay here."_

"Commander, both Tuvok and myself are going to be unavailable for the rest of the day. I don't want _any_ interruptions under any circumstances. Is that clear?"

On the bridge, the announcement only added to the uneasiness that had started the moment her call came. She was supposed to be taking a day off. But he simply responded, _"Understood."_

"Janeway out."

In the front room, Tuvok's knees buckled as the full force of pon farr hit him, forcing him to sit in the chair as he waited for her. The onslaught was incredible, so much stronger than anything he had experienced before, and he vaguely wondered whether it was supposed to get stronger and harder to control as one aged. He also remembered the last time, and the awful toll it had taken. Once Tuvok remembered that, he suddenly became concerned. Just as that concern arose, Kathryn returned to the main room. His eyebrow rose when he saw the Vulcan robe she now wore – the same one that she had worn seven years before. "Captain?"

"I kept it," she told him, answering his unasked question.

She stopped in front of him and offered her hand. He did not take it. "I am…concerned for your safety, Kathryn." He let out a soft groan, and in his labored voice he reminded her, "Just because you have...helped me...in the past..."

Kathryn shook her head, and he stopped speaking. He was giving her the option to out, and she knew it. After a moment's consideration she observed, "This is worse than it was last time, isn't it?" He nodded, and she knelt down beside him. "We talked about this. You know I value you too much to not help you. I'll be fine," she told him, reaching down and taking one of his hands. "Come with me."

He got up slowly, allowing her to lead him back into her bedroom. She had lit candles and the incense that was particular to this facet of Vulcan life, and Tuvok wondered if she remembered how to do this better than he did. He shook his head, amazed at all the illogical thoughts that were now coursing through him.

Kathryn gently forced him to sit down on the foot of the bed, and then she took her place beside him, waiting for a few minutes before taking his wrists and bringing them together. He automatically steepled his fingers, any hesitancy disappearing from his stiff body.

It only took a few seconds of preparation, and then he turned to her and spread his fingertips out over her face. She was hit hard by the unrestrained passion and the despair he felt at his loss of emotional control. If it would have been just that, she would have been alright – but this time, it was compounded by the loneliness that was the result of their being stranded on the opposite side of the galaxy for seven long years. She never realized how strongly Tuvok was a victim of detachment from his family, and she was unprepared for the force of it now as it overwhelmed her. A cry was ripped from her throat, throwing her mind into a spin as she felt his presence deepening within her. He was everywhere inside her, becoming one with the person that she had become during her time in the Delta Quadrant.

Tuvok could feel her resistance as she tried to keep him out, and his eyes squeezed shut as he continued to blend together with her. There was a particular area that she protected above all others, barriers thick against the onslaught of his presence. He wished he could leave it alone, but in order to fulfill the connection between them, he had to become one with her. Completely.

Kathryn could feel her body being lowered back onto the mattress as he continued to move within her mind, and she knew that he was trying to break through the barriers that she was desperately holding onto. She wasn't doing it purposely – she knew him well enough to know that any secrets she had would be safe with him. It had just become so second-nature to her. She was the captain, and the captain always had to be in control. But try as she might, she couldn't seem to let go and give herself completely to him.

He tried to focus, reaching even deeper as he pushed against the barrier. Physically he was lying beside her, moving carefully as to not break the contact between them. Normally at this point it would be possible to maintain the meld without physical touch, but he couldn't – not until he had her complete soul with him. Patience very quickly gave way to desperation, turning him into a force that she could no longer stand against.

She cried out again as he burst through the barrier, which they both discovered held all of the emotions that she had hidden away and denied in order to maintain her captain's demeanor. It was all there, everything that had happened since their last joining – the sorrow and pain at losing Mark, the anguish at stranding them all there and grief for separating everyone from their loved ones when she destroyed the array. There was a small part dedicated to all those that she had ever lost under her command, and leftover anger from her assimilation only a few months before. But most powerful of all were her feelings for Chakotay – love for the man who had dared to tell her how he felt, fear of telling him that she felt the same and sorrow because she still thought she would never be able to love him in the way they both wanted.

The sudden onslaught overwhelmed Tuvok, making him groan under the pressure of the emotional flood. But after what had become hours he had her completely, and they were finally bonded. His eyes opened to find that hers had as well. It was safe now, and he removed his fingertips from her face in order to move on to the physical bonding, which would be the amalgamation of the emotional upheaval that was now consuming both of them. Each could hear the other's thoughts clearly, and he knew that she was shaking inside and out at the prospect of what was coming next. So he leaned down and kissed her gently as his hands worked at the removal of their clothing.

* * *

The Doctor sat at his desk, once again mulling through the limited scan results he had taken before Tuvok destroyed his tricorder. They knew so little of this part of Vulcan life, and this instance had only given him slightly more insight into what was a normal biological occurrence for them. As he thought of what he did know, he shook his head. The captain was definitely brave to help her oldest friend in the manner she had chosen. But he wondered about the logic of it. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he chuckled. _Bad choice of words. _

But his concern never left him. So after some thought, he ran some commands through the computer to deposit a prescription at the captain's replicator.

* * *

Tuvok was already dressed, his usual stoic expression firmly back in place. He was nowhere near back to normal, but at least now he would be able to control his emotional outbursts with intense meditation. He looked down at his friend, thankful that she was willing to make this sacrifice for his life. She was no longer asleep, but hadn't moved as she watched him attend to the fine details of his uniform. _How are you feeling?_ Kathryn finally asked, thinking the question and relishing their connection rather than expressing her concerns verbally.

He pulled a deep breath into his lungs as he pulled himself up straight. _I require meditation, but I will be fine, Captain._

_Good. _Her head fell back a little further into her pillow as her eyes closed.

He could also feel her inner turmoil. She was glad to have been able to assist him once again, but being so totally opened, both physically and mentally, was nonetheless unnerving to her. He came over and sat down on the edge of the bed beside her, causing her to look up at him again. _Kathryn,_ he thought softly, allowing himself a rare moment of compassion as he held her cheek in his hand, _I am...grateful...for what you have done for me._

She reached up and ran her fingertips across the top of his hand. _I know. _A smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. _I'll be fine, my friend. Go ahead and start your meditations. Contact me if you need me. _He nodded, and then silently left her quarters to return to his own.

Kathryn lay there for a long time, consumed in thought as she reviewed the last day in her head. Taking a rare day off meant that she had let herself sleep late, then enjoyed her coffee as she read letters from home and replied to them. She had also scheduled some badly needed time on the holodeck – a gift from Chakotay for her last birthday that she hadn't gotten around to using yet. But the Doctor, then Tuvok appeared in her quarters, and the holodeck was long forgotten.

Chakotay. Her train of thought stopped at his name. She was suddenly assaulted by his image, his voice, all of the memories of him that she had so carefully stored in the back of her mind and only brought out when she absolutely wanted to. She knew that he was not going to be happy about this, despite anything he would say to the contrary. But he would understand in time. Besides, it wasn't as if they were involved in their own relationship. It wasn't cheating.

_Then why does it feel like it?_

She shook her head, trying to clear it. A growl of her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten since breakfast that morning. Sitting up, Kathryn immediately discovered that the physical bonding was a lot harder on her than it had been last time – or else she wasn't as strong as she had been then. Her whole body ached, and after lifting the blanket she discovered a variety of rapidly darkening bruises across her skin. And those were only the external bruises she could see. She could feel Tuvok's reaction to the physical pain she experienced, and she tried to reassure him that it was not really as bad as it seemed now. He seemed to accept that, and turned his attentions to other things.

Shaking her head again, she slowly wrapped her robe around her and walked to the replicator, stopping short when she saw a hypospray and a padd already materialized on it. She picked up the spray in her left hand, then the padd in her right as she read:

_To: Captain Kathryn Janeway, Starship Voyager_

_From: Emergency Medical Hologram, Starship Voyager_

_I have provided you with a mild pain reliever, which should help you with any physical trauma you may be experiencing. I would like to see you in Sickbay at your earliest convenience. But in the meantime, please see that you have a decent meal and get some rest._

Kathryn smiled. At least somebody was trying to take care of her.

* * *

Chakotay was concerned. Kathryn had missed their standing dinner appointment, which he had as much assumed when she said she was going to be unavailable. It wasn't the first time it had happened, of course. But usually by now he would have heard from her, at least to make sure he knew what was going on. Tonight, there had been nothing.

At first he decided to ignore it, to have his meal and make it to bed early for a change. But even a trip to the holodeck was not enough to ease his mind. When he was back in his bedroom he called out, "Computer, locate Captain Janeway."

"_Captain Janeway is in her quarters."_

He started to undress, his fingers stopping their motion when he thought he heard something. Eyes narrowed, he listened intently. It took a while, but his efforts were rewarded when he heard the muffled sound of his captain on the other side of the wall. He listened harder, leaning his ear against the smooth gray surface that separated them. When he finally ventured a guess, he couldn't help but gasp. It sounded like she was crying. He gave brief consideration to going to see her, but then thought better of it when an involuntary yawn escaped him. They would talk about it in the morning, and he knew if he tried to force the issue now that they wouldn't even do that much. So as much as it pained him, he forced himself to go to bed. But he didn't sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**No Good Deed…**

By Eydie Munroe

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I know – Paramount and CBS own them. They whispered to me that they wanted to get out of the vault for a while, so here we are.

Note: This takes place sometime during the first half of the seventh season, and completely negates the events depicted in the episode "Body and Soul" – because honestly, I don't buy for a second that a hologram would do the trick.

* * *

The captain had spent most of the morning in her ready room, her tone when she left the bridge making it clear that she was not to be disturbed. Tuvok was also back at his station, and he tried to communicate with her as she walked past him. She merely shot him a bad look and a thought to mind his own business before the doors closed behind her. He shook his head, noting that the turmoil in her mind had not subsided since the day before.

Chakotay noticed the shake, and his brain was working overtime as he tried to figure out just what was going on. Finally his concern got the better of him, and he took the risk of heading for her ready room. Her voice was terse when it allowed him entry, and he found her slumped over her desk, her chin resting in her hand as she stared at her terminal. He was caught up in staring at her until she grumbled, "What do you need, Commander?"

Her words snapped him out of his reverie. "I wanted to make sure you're alright."

"Why wouldn't I be alright?" She fixed him with the stare that she reserved for him when he was intruding on her personal space.

But he knew that look all too well. And he was not about to start off some endless debate regarding her state of well-being. So rather than do anything else, he was blunt. "Can't I ask that question just once without you dodging it?"

In her mind, she could hear Tuvok tell her, _He deserves an answer, Captain._

_I know that,_ she spat back at him. _But am I really supposed to tell him what happened between us? Do you want that, Tuvok?_

_If it preserves your relationship with him – then yes._

_Relationship…?_

On the other side of the desk, her first officer watched her with a definite frown. "Kathryn, what's going on?"

She shook her head, absently putting down the silver mug that she had been clutching when Tuvok's opinion entered the conversation. Her sleep the night before had been restless to say the least, and she was concentrating so much on appearing normal that she hadn't given much thought to how she was going to explain everything. "I really don't want to get into this right now, Commander."

"Kathryn..."

_Captain..._

"Alright, enough! Both of you!"

Her words took the first officer aback, his concern now vaulting into pure worry. "Both of who?" he pressed, taking the last few steps to her desk. She stopped suddenly, now aware of what she had just said. "Do you want to tell me what's going on here, Kathryn?"

"No."

_That is not a wise course of action, Captain._

_It's none of your business, Tuvok. I'll tell him if and when I feel like it. Not before._

_He is going to ask, whether you want to explain it to him or not._

She heaved a sigh. "Look, this is something personal," she said, making a concerted effort to soften her tone as she addressed him. "I would much rather leave this until tonight."

It wasn't a good enough answer, but Chakotay knew when she put an end to a conversation. "Alright," he conceded slowly. "Dinner, nineteen hundred?"

"That's fine," she said quickly, her words also a dismissal.

He turned and walked out onto the bridge, the first thing meeting him being Tuvok's impassioned expression. _Just what do you have to do with all this?_ Chakotay silently questioned. He must have shot the Vulcan a dirty look, because the security chief immediately returned his eyes to his console. Chakotay returned to his seat, trying to bury his concerns until the end of the day.

* * *

The captain changed into some loose fitting clothes on her return to her quarters, and then had collapsed in her lounging chair in the front room, taking the time to try and centre herself before Chakotay confronted her. And it was going to be a confrontation – she knew that. She didn't know just how she was going to explain what had happened, but part of her was wondering even why she should. There was nothing she had to explain to him – she would tell him exactly what happened. There was nothing between them, or between Tuvok and T'Pel for that matter, that would have constituted breaking any promises or any betrayal of trust.

_Then why does it feel like it?_

The thought flitted through her mind again, the same question that had appeared when Tuvok left her quarters the day before. She could still hear his thoughts clearly, but he was trying to pull his barriers back into place and shield her from the minutia that she had been subjected to all day – scan readouts, security protocols – more than she had ever wanted to know about running the Tactical station. But he was distracted at the moment, so there was no answer when she had asked herself the question again this time.

The door chime startled her back into reality, and in the blink of an eye more than three hours had passed. Ignoring the dull ache behind her eyes, she rose to her feet as she called, "Come in."

Her first officer entered cautiously, cradling a bottle in the crook of his arm as he looked around the darkened room. "Kathryn?"

"Over here."

He found her in the far corner of the room, where she was working at stretching the kinks and soreness out of her body. Her muscles had stiffened considerably, and though she hadn't checked, she was sure that the bruises had deepened over the course of the day. Chakotay watched her for a moment, desperately trying to figure out just what was going on. She looked like she'd gone five rounds with a Hirogen hunter. He held the bottle out toward her. "Olive branch?"

Kathryn glanced at him from mid-stretch, a range of emotions playing through her pale features before settling on the gift he offered. Her arms dropped wearily to her sides, but eventually she took the bottle from him, breaking into a tired smile when she read the label. "Bubble bath?"

He felt safe in a grin of his own now. "I didn't think you were in any mood for wine."

She came over and rested a hand on his chest. "I appreciate it. Thank you." Then she turned and set the bottle on the table. "Can I get you anything?"

"Just water is fine."

A gesture sent him on his way to the couch, while she ordered a glass of water and a cup of coffee from the replicator. He noticed that her movement was somewhat slowed as she sat down beside him, and he let her settle in before he asked the question. "Kathryn, can you tell me what's happened?"

Sipping her coffee gave her some time to gather her thoughts, and her knuckles whitened around the silver form as she tried to warm them. She swallowed hard. _Tuvok, what do I do?_

_Tell him the truth,_ came back in an immediate reply.

A deep sigh gave her a few seconds more, but even Kathryn had to eventually concede defeat. So after drawing one more breath, she started. "Yesterday afternoon, the Doctor was filling me in on the cure he found for Kalster Disfunctia when Tuvok showed up at my door." Then she summoned a burst of courage and said, "He had just entered pon farr."

It took a moment, but the full realization hit him. "Kathryn, you didn't..." He stopped, something in the back of his mind telling him that it really wasn't any of his business. But then there was the part that loved her, and that part of him was quickly taken over with jealousy.

She couldn't look at him as she confirmed, "We did."

The news was overwhelming him, and without thought he was on his feet and pacing. His fingers raked through his hair as he worked it out in his mind, but no matter how hard he tried it just wasn't going to sit easily. "Why?" He paced a little more before adding, "There must have been some other way."

"There was no other way," she told him, her voice eerily quiet. "You know that."

He shot her a glare, a look that she rarely saw from him. "But why you?"

Any patience that Kathryn may have forced herself to exercise was rapidly evaporating into the tension that was filling the room. "Who else would it be?"

"I don't know."

"Chakotay..." He continued to pace in front of her, and as long as he was moving she couldn't talk to him. "Chakotay!" she said again, this time summoning her command voice. The tone was enough to stop him, and she reached a hand out to him. He didn't take it, instead staying exactly where he was. "You know as well as I do that there are only two ways to rectify pon farr," she explained, her voice soft but firm as her hand returned to her lap. "I was not about to ask anyone on this ship to fight him, and I would ask no other woman to..." She searched for the right word. "To _bond_ with him."

"Bond?" he echoed abruptly, the sound of her voice ringing in his ears. "Is that what you call it? Bonding?"

Kathryn's anger rose another notch. "Well what the hell else am I supposed to call it?"

He started to head for the door, but stopped and faced her before it opened. His pain was fully evident now, any attempts at veiling it long gone. "Kathryn, how could you?"

She jumped to her feet, taking a defensive posture. "I wasn't about to let him die, Chakotay."

"Really?" He felt his hurt so strongly that he lashed out at her. "I didn't see you volunteering when it was Vorik's turn." Chakotay turned away from her again, not wanting to look at her right now, but not willing to leave just yet.

Kathryn didn't know what to say. She'd known that he would be upset, but he was taking it much more personally than she'd anticipated. She turned away from him as well, folding her arms across her chest as she stared out the windows at the passing stars.

Chakotay finally decided that he needed to leave, to give himself some distance to calm down before he said something he'd really regret. He turned toward the door, but stopped. When she pulled her arms in front of her, it caused the wide neckline of her blouse to slide down off her shoulder, revealing one of the dark bruises from the day before. It caught his attention, and he closed the distance between them to examine it. "What's this?"

"What's what?" She watched his reflection in the window as he approached her, and whirled away from him when he ran his fingertips over the bruise that extended from the back of her shoulder and over the top – one that vaguely resembled a handprint. Even with his light touch, it still shot pain through her.

She felt Tuvok's reaction to it, and he told her, _You should have that attended to by the Doctor._

_Not now, Tuvok._

The man in front of her saw her attention leave again, and it concerned him. "Kathryn?"

She blinked as her focus returned to him, but now she was finding it hard to concentrate on his face. "Sorry."

"What happened?" No answer came, and he reached up to hold her shoulders. "Kathryn please, help me try to understand this."

And there it was, the opening that she had feared he would give her. Her hands ran along his arms until they covered his hands, and she pulled them down to rest between them. _Tuvok, how much do I tell him?_

_Tell him everything if you feel it necessary. I trust his candor._

She nodded, then looked up into her friend's dark eyes. "What I tell you can't go beyond this room."

_Thank you, Captain._

"Kathryn..."

"Promise me, Chakotay."

He wanted to trust her, to know that she was going to tell him the truth. "I promise," he pledged in a whisper. "Please, tell me."

_Oh hell. _Her eyes fell to their hands, which he was tightly clutching to his torso as he waited for her. "I..."

"Take your time," he told her. But before she could utter another word she blacked out, her knees going out from under her. Only his quick reactions kept her from hitting the floor. "Kathryn? Kathryn!" He tapped his commbadge with his free hand and called for a direct beam-out to Sickbay. Then his sigh of frustration filled the ward, followed by his strong voice when he called, "Doctor?"


	3. Chapter 3

**No Good Deed…**

By Eydie Munroe

Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, I know – Paramount and CBS own them. They whispered to me that they wanted to get out of the vault for a while, so here we are.

Note: This takes place sometime during the first half of the seventh season, and completely negates the events depicted in the episode "Body and Soul" – because honestly, I don't buy for a second that a hologram would do the trick.

* * *

The EMH was already on his way out of his office, snatching a tricorder off the supply stand as he passed it. "Put her on the diagnostic bed," he ordered, flipping the tricorder open as he crossed the last steps to his new patient. "What happened?"

"She was just about to tell me..." Realizing that he had promised, he quickly switched gears. "She was just talking, and then she passed out."

The Doctor closed the medical scanner over her body as he examined the preliminary tricorder readings. "Doctor to Commander Tuvok. Please report to Sickbay immediately."

"_On my way."_

"What is it?" the first officer pressed. "What do you see?"

"She has a highly elevated level of engramatic activity," he reported as he continued to work, "that would normally be associated with a mind meld."

"A meld?"

The hologram nodded. "I'll know more when Tuvok gets here."

In the course of their short conversation, the two didn't notice the opening of the doors from the corridor. "What has happened to her?" the Vulcan inquired, the picture of tranquility.

"I was hoping you could answer that for me." The Doctor passed the tricorder to the security chief. "I need to know everything that happened yesterday."

"Doctor..." Tuvok started to protest.

"I know you don't want to talk about it, but you have to," the EMH pressed. "As far as I can tell, she's suffering from a sensory overload. And if you don't tell me what the two of you did, I may not be able to help her."

Tuvok took a few precious moments to make his decision. "Very well," he said as he handed the tricorder back. "In your office."

"As soon as the captain is stabilized," the other confirmed, pressing a hypo to the base of her neck.

Once satisfied with the readings, the Doctor led the way back to his office door. Tuvok went inside, but the doctor hesitated and turned back into the ward. He saw Chakotay's grim figure still at the captain's bedside, trying to decide what he should be doing now. Tuvok must have sensed this as well, because he appeared in the doorway again. "Commander?"

Chakotay stared at her a little bit longer, then grudgingly tore himself away to join the other two men in the Doctor's office. He seated himself beside Tuvok and steeled himself against what he was about to hear.

"As you both know," Tuvok began, "I entered pon farr yesterday. The captain and I had discussed this previously and decided that the most effective course of action was for her to mate with me. That is why we both did not return to duty until today."

"What happens during mating?" the Doctor asked in his unflinching way.

The Vulcan drew a breath, but he obliged them by going into a brief description of the bonding process. Upon seeing the baffled looks from the others, he concluded his explanation with, "Captain Janeway was well aware of what she was about to endure."

"What do you mean?" Chakotay interrupted, breaking his heavy silence.

"It is not the first time that I have...bonded...with the captain." Chakotay leaned forward, resting his elbow on the desk as he rubbed at his chin. Seeing that the human had temporarily cut himself off from the conversation, Tuvok told the Doctor, "The first time was seven years ago, shortly after our arrival in the Delta Quadrant."

"And how long did your telepathic link last then?"

"It started to fade as soon as the bonding was completed, but took four days to dissipate entirely."

"And now?"

Tuvok pulled back into the recesses of his mind to find the answer. "The link is as strong as it was when it was forged."

The first officer spoke up again. "Is that normal?"

"I cannot say. The intensity of pon farr increases with some Vulcan males as they age. Unfortunately, not enough is known about this phenomenon to form a valid hypothesis."

The Doctor frowned at him from behind the desk. "Couldn't there have been some other way for you to rectify it?" he asked with a thinly veiled annoyance. "I highly doubt your wife would approve of your methods."

If Tuvok was offended, he managed not to show it. "If you are referring to the use of a hologram, it does not work because Vulcans require the mental bonding along with the physical. While infidelity is not something we approve of, my wife is a practical woman, and understands the necessity of what was done, both seven years ago and yesterday." Tuvok's expression suddenly contorted, his eyes sliding shut as his attention was drawn back out into the ward. "She has regained consciousness."

All three rushed from the office to the surgical bay, where the captain was not only awake, but highly agitated. She tried to sit up, but two sets of hands kept her down on her back. "Stop it, Tuvok!" she tried to order, responding to his silent attempts to calm her.

"Stop what, Kathryn?" Chakotay pressed, resting a hand on her forehead as he tried his own calming efforts. Her eyes were wide, glaring at the Vulcan who stood at the foot of the bed. Her arms were still trying to fight them all off, and her best friend helped the doctor pin them down with his free hand. "Kathryn, talk to me," he tried again.

The bedlam in her mind increased in intensity as Tuvok continued to try and put some distance between them, and her normal self-control quickly evaporated into a full-out panic, one that pulled her back into the most basic of emotions. "Tuvok stop it!" she yelled, eyes squeezing shut in agony.

The Doctor turned to the security chief, who had also closed his eyes as he tried to get a handle on the turmoil in his mind. First he tried to pull his mental barriers back into place, and when that didn't work he desperately tried to push her presence out of his mind. But every effort was useless, and she cried out in terror as the images became more vivid and assaulted her. Chakotay was holding her down when the Doctor administered a second sedative, but it had no effect. "Talk to her," the EMH ordered. "Maybe you can calm her down."

Chakotay looked down at her, his heart constricting when he saw her unchecked fear. "Kathryn, listen to me. Just listen to my voice."

"Make him stop!" Her throat was tight, and she barely choked out the words as she fought.

"Hey, you have to calm down. I need you to take a deep breath." Despite her panic, she was starting to weaken. "Come on," he encouraged.

She gasped, "I can't keep him out."

His expression softened as he locked both of her wrists in one hand, and used the other to turn her face toward him. "I know. But you have to try to let us help you. Now come on, take a deep breath."

Their eyes locked, and she finally drew a shaky breath as he requested. He worked at it until she was breathing more or less normally, which allowed the Doctor to get accurate results on his scans. Her hand found his, and held tight to it as they continued to slow her racing heart. At her feet, Tuvok had managed to regain some measure of his composure, and he watched as the Doctor scanned him as well. The hologram then stepped over to the medical console to compare all the readings.

_I am sorry, Kathryn._

Eyes that had been finally allowed to relax snapped open to look at him. But she had no answer to him – she was still petrified. He then joined the Doctor halfway across the ward, trying to give the couple a bit of privacy. She felt his grip on her hand tighten in a gentle squeeze, and her eyes never left Tuvok when she told Chakotay, "I can still hear him."

"I know," he told her quietly, trying to keep her calm. "We're trying to find a way to stop it."

"Commander?"

Chakotay turned to the EMH, who was gesturing him back into the office. He turned back to Janeway and said, "I'll be right back." She didn't want to let go, and he smiled a little as he brushed some strands from her forehead. "Just relax. We'll be here if you need us, okay?" She gave him an uncertain nod, and he carefully laid her hand down across her ribs before heading into the meeting. "What have you got?" he asked as soon as he was inside the office.

The Doctor spun his terminal around to show him. "This is a very unusual kind of meld. It's the first time I've seen a telepathic link between a Vulcan and human that can be maintained without physical contact."

"This is a part of the mating process," Tuvok confirmed, still working at putting a barrier between himself and the captain. "Normally the link between mates is terminated by the female. But in cases where the female is from a non-telepathic species, the link is simply allowed to subside naturally as her brain's defense mechanisms reassert themselves."

"I thought you said there was little known about it," the hologram interjected.

With a lift of his eyebrow the Vulcan countered, "I made a point of researching it when the captain and I bonded seven years ago."

"Is there any way to break it?" Chakotay pressed sharply, the readings making little sense to him.

The Doctor said, "I could try to break the meld, but a physical connection would have to be re-established between them." Chakotay stared at him, silently voicing his objections. "I'm at a loss for any other alternative."

"I believe that the Doctor's idea does have merit," Tuvok added. "It is a logical course of action." They waited until Chakotay finally nodded his approval, and then he continued with, "I will require an hour of meditation before we begin."

"An hour?" the Doctor said. "You said it only took a minute when you initiated the meld."

"That was driven by instinct. This requires that we proceed with caution. It would be best that we precisely duplicate the conditions of the primary meld."

The hologram nodded. "Very well. One hour." Both men watched as Tuvok left, and then the EMH asked, "Would you stay with the captain?"

Chakotay nodded, then slowly made his way over to her bed. She was resting quietly, her eyes closed as she continued to concentrate on keeping still. Her hands were resting on her stomach, and he took them into his when he reached her. "How are you doing?"

"I've been better," she whispered, letting a long breath out between her teeth. Her grip on his hand strengthened a little, conveying her wish to let him know she was okay. Then she looked up at him. "I try to help out a sick friend, and this is the thanks I get." He chuckled at her joke, then watched as her attention momentarily went elsewhere. She half-smiled when she gazed at him again. "Tuvok is reminding me that this is all just an unfortunate mishap."

"He's a very wise man," he said gently. "You should listen to him."

She couldn't resist. "Isn't that why I'm here?"

He shook his head and smiled, but quickly turned serious. "Kathryn, I shouldn't have gotten angry..."

"Don't apologize for how you feel," she told him. "I should have told you, but there was no time. No time – and no alternative."

"That still doesn't excuse me for acting like I did." They just looked at each other for a moment, and then he bowed his head. "Damn," he swore softly. "I thought I was past this..."

Kathryn reached up and laid a hand on his arm. Her eyes started to drift closed, and she told him, "Tuvok's started his meditation, and it's pulling me along with him. Can we talk about this later?"

He nodded. "Do you want me to stay?"

Her eyes closed completely now, but he could tell that she was conferring with Tuvok, not falling asleep. "You'd better not," she told him. "I need to be concentrating completely on the meditation."

"Okay." Chakotay gazed down at her, his protective nature really making him want to stay there and offer what little assistance he could. But he trusted her above all, and had to admit that the situation was completely out of his hands. Acting on instinct, he leaned down and planted a light kiss on her forehead. She let out a sigh of momentary contentment, and then he let go of her hands and went into the office to inform the Doctor of his departure.

* * *

Exactly one hour later, Tuvok returned to Sickbay in a state of consciousness that was barely above deep meditation. Kathryn hauled herself into a sitting position and toward the head of her bed, and he seated himself on the mattress in front of her. With the Doctor hovering around them, Tuvok reinitiated the meld. It was much easier this time, with no barriers to fight or raging emotions to drive them. In a matter of minutes they were securely entrenched in the intimate connection they had started the day before.

_So what do we do now?_ Kathryn asked, glancing around at the dim surroundings.

_We wait for the Doctor to break the meld,_ he reminded her.

Kathryn waited for a few seconds, but when nothing happened she started to wander through the small area around them. The grey was slowly dissipating, revealing leaves and bushes, and eventually the entire contents of a forest. They were standing in a small clearing, sun warming the air and bringing a humid, grassy smell. _Where are we?_ she wondered, leaning over to take a closer look at a small flowering plant beside her.

_I have never seen this place before. It must be something from your memories._

She thought for a moment. _New Earth._

His eyebrow lifted. _New Earth?_

A laugh escaped her as she continued to stroll around the outline of the clearing. _New Earth_, she said again, her eyes moving from the trees to the sky as she remembered everything. _I have the most wonderful memories of this place, Tuvok. I was happy here. We were just beginning to... _Her voice trailed off, but she realized that nothing was hidden from him anyway. So she took the opportunity to finally talk about it, to take advantage of a listening ear. _We were just beginning to get close. And I was learning who I was again. _A look around her produced another laugh. _It's funny...here I am locked in a mind meld with you, and all my mind can think of is him._

Tuvok had been standing with his hands clasped behind his back, trying to maintain his usual, stoic posture. He was still not himself again – she knew that. Emotional upheaval was taking its toll on him, not only with the chemical imbalance it caused in his brain. It was hitting him hard on a personal level, and as he was experiencing emotions, embarrassment was foremost on the list. So rather than worry about his current predicament, he focused instead on her musings. _Perhaps you're just being forced to see what you've known all along._

_Maybe. _She continued to walk. _But you and I both know it would never work._

_Why not?_

Kathryn looked at him. _Starfleet has certain protocol regarding situations like these._

_You sound like you did when we arrived in the Delta Quadrant. _She shot him a look, but he continued to watch her as she circled around behind him. _You cannot keep clinging to an ideal that really does not apply to us here. I think you are just using it as an excuse now._

_But what would happen if I did indulge myself? Let myself get swept up in him, and then it didn't work out? _By this time she was in front of him again, and now she was standing toe to toe and peering up at him, looking for the answer to her fear. _How am I supposed to run a ship if I can't even stand to look at my first officer?_

_You are taking a most negative approach to this,_ he reminded her. _Would it not be more beneficial to assume that your relationship with the commander would be successful, and that there will be many benefits that are not available to you now?_

_What benefits?_

_It is a well-known fact that humans function more efficiently when they have incorporated regular sexual activity into their daily lives._

Kathryn stared at him for a second, wide-eyed, then burst into laughter as she sank down to sit in the grass. _You're beginning to sound like Seven._

He sat down beside her, and in his usual, impassive way advised, _I believe that you would benefit greatly from a relationship with the commander._

_That's even if he wants a relationship anymore. _She lay down on her back, covering her eyes with the heels of her hands. _I pushed him away a long time ago, Tuvok. I'd like to fool myself into thinking that he would wait for me, but logic tells me differently. No man but you would wait seven years for a woman to make up her mind._

They sat in silence for a while, each wrapped up in their combined thoughts. _Take the opportunity when it presents itself._

Her eyes opened, and she propped herself up on her elbows. _What?_

_That's what you have said to me on numerous occasions. Take the opportunity when it presents itself._

She smiled, and laid a hand on his forearm. Then a brilliant white light and a rush of sound blew them apart. The next thing they knew, their bodies were falling away from each other back on the biobed. The Doctor caught Tuvok before he could fall to the floor, and the newly arrived Tom Paris did the same for the captain. Tuvok was the first to regain his balance, and he dismissed the Doctor's assistance as he stood unsteadily on his feet. The captain was rapidly losing consciousness, the sudden absence of Tuvok's presence hitting her almost as hard as having him there constantly. Kathryn looked up through heavily lidded eyes to find herself in her helmsman's arms, a wry grin covering his face. "Oh no..." she moaned.

"Well it's good to see you too," he said, gently stretching her back out across the length of the bed. She shot him a look, and his grin grew. "Relax, Captain. I won't say a word to anybody."

She nodded, then allowed herself to succumb to the uncontrollable need to sleep.

* * *

Quiet serenity had claimed Sickbay once again, with the captain sleeping peacefully after what had been an exhausting thirty-six hours. It had taken the Doctor a while to determine just when she switched from unconsciousness to slumber, but he was happy to see that she was at least resting comfortably. It didn't take an enhanced hologram to figure out just how taxing everything had been on her.

He was studying scans in his office when he heard the outer doors open, accompanied by the quiet pace of Commander Chakotay as he entered the darkened Sickbay. The Doctor turned his attention back to his research, wishing to give the couple out in the ward some privacy. So he was surprised when the first officer stuck his head into the office. "How's she doing?"

"She's stable," he reported, turning off the monitor and leaning back in his chair. "Neural scans show engramatic activity has returned to normal, and though he won't let me confirm it, Tuvok assures me that the meld has indeed been severed."

"Good." Chakotay was barely able to hide his relief. "Can I see her?" The Doctor nodded, and the first officer disappeared back into the ward.

Chakotay slowly approached his friend, careful not to disturb her as he stopped at her left side. He was only there a few seconds when she stirred, and when her eyes opened she was gazing out in the opposite direction. Not wanting to startle her, he heaved a small, quiet sigh. It was enough, and she rolled her head to face him. "How long have you been waiting?" she asked.

"Forever," he whispered with a grin, offering a hand that she gladly took. "But I just got here."

Kathryn couldn't suppress her smile, not to mention the roll of her eyes. "You're getting as bad as Tom."

"Why? Has Tom been waiting for you too?" She gave him a playful nudge, and they both heard her laugh for the first time in days. "How do you feel?" he inquired.

After taking a few moments to mentally check herself she told him, "Worn out – in every conceivable way."

"I bet."

He lost himself in thought, just gazing at her with a look that she hadn't seen in a long time. "What?"

He quickly plastered a gentle smile on his face. "Nothing." Then he changed his mind. "I have to be honest with you, Kathryn – I'm still having some trouble wrapping my head around all this. I understand why, and I understand how, but..."

She finished the thought for him. "But you hoped that after this long..." He nodded, and she let her eyes slide shut as she shifted her head on the small pillow. After a while she said, "If it's any consolation to you, I was hoping it would be too."

His free hand reached up to stroke some stray hair back out of her face. "But you did it to help your friend," he said to assure both of them. "And if you can live with that, then so can I."

Kathryn looked up at him. "Really?"

He nodded slowly. "Really." Chakotay then stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. "You just have to give me some time with it."

The corner of her mouth pulled into the lopsided grin that he loved so much, and she told him, "Take all the time you need." Then he leaned down and kissed her gently, leaving both of them a little breathless when they parted. To cover her surprise, she took a run at Tom's style of humor when she added, "But not too long, huh?"

He chuckled. "You should get some sleep. I'll keep an eye on things until you're back on your feet."

Her voice was barely a whisper when she thanked him. She couldn't deny that she was still exhausted, and knew that she would be out within seconds after he left. So he laid her hand back down, gave her a reassuring smile, and left Sickbay as quietly as he had entered.

And true to form, when the Doctor came out to check on her a few minutes later, the captain was fast asleep.


End file.
